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| Charly Boy( Nigerian Entertainer) |
If you’re a single lady…this message is for you from Mr Charles Oputa
All the single ladies reading this, chin-up and give your good self a thumb up. Nothing doest thou. Last week I had a father/daughter discussion with my Princess. I could feel the frustration in her tone as we spoke about different issues. When I asked about her boyfriend she gave me a very long and irritated “Naija babe” hiss, she aired out her frustrations with this whole dating business. “Daddy we are no longer dating.” “I’m so very sorry my love, but what happened I queried,” very anxious to hear the gist, cause me and my Princess are just that close. This is my daughter’s 3rd boyfriend since she started dating, and she has only been with him for barely 6months… “Daddy, please I’m tired, he is not ambitious, he has no drive, and he is too laid back for his own good, how can I marry a man like that? To make matters worse, he thinks I am overly ambitious, he says I do way too much – please tell me how that’s a bad thing.” Hummmmm, my daughter, my princess my pride and joy is unhappy.
You see
since childhood, my Princess has been very independent, very focused and
determined – no nonsense kind of ‘chic’, (can an apple fall too far
from its tree). She is intelligent and extremely hardworking, I mean
what more could a man ask for in a woman? Quickly, I was thinking of how
to calm my ticked off Princess down. “Darling, you know daddy will
always love you no matter what, most importantly you know damn too well
that you are not under any pressure to get married. So be patient,
concentrate on your carrier and yourself my darling, he will come when
he comes, and if he doesn’t come, have your baby, I wouldn’t mind
another grandchild.” Did I really say that? Oh! Yes I did, and I meant
that.
Single ladies are on the rise
these days, because for a long time coming, there has been an explosion
of male joblessness in Nigeria and the world over. There has also been a
decline in men’s life prospects that have disrupted and distorted the
dating or the “marriage market”, in a way that narrows a marriage minded
woman’s options. Today all the Nigerian single “good” ladies who are
desirous to settle down are at a cross road in their dating life, most
of them are simply tired, a lot are frustrated and many are giving up.
Their options are really limited; it is mostly between the millions of
Gigolos or the deadbeat, some of who are pretending that they are
waiting for Jesus before they get it together; those who don’t have
ambition burning in their soul. I can’t believe that I told my daughter
to go ahead and have a baby out of wedlock. Well, with the way things
are playing out in our environment, it is time we embraced new ideas
about dating and marriage. Society’s highest institution called
“Marriage” is fast becoming old fashioned and outdated. Look around and
see the alarming rate of divorce matters all over the place, something
is definitely wrong my people. At this rate, falling in love and getting
married will be a question of choice rather than societal expectation
or luck. Frankly speaking, women have climbed so high in their
independence and career and are doing way better than the men. Men have
been falling behind with amazing alacrity. Good single women are so
disappointed and it’s unimaginable, it’s like going to a party that has
been the talk of the town for long. You buy your new dress hoping to
show off at the party, but by the time you land, they tell you that all
the good people have left, and the ones left are really the servants,
their friends or relatives who have come to scavenge on the left over
food. Believe it or not, that’s the situation today, no kidding.
Since
the days of my grandfather, marriage has been primarily an economic and
political contract between 2 families, prized and policed by families,
relatives and community. That’s why in my village, they will tell you
“no be only your wife/husband you they marryoooooo” Things have changed
since then, most of our dates are from facebook, bb chat, online dating,
the hocus-pocus church called Pentecostals, etc. There is no doubt in
my mind that we are in the midst of an extraordinary change. The
transformation of young outstanding women, considered marriage material,
is momentous, immensely liberating and immensely scary for prospective
suitors. All the old ways are breaking down, these days ladies want to
be in-charge of their lives, you can’t blame them. Forget about the days
of being submissive, na for your pocket. Forget about marriage vows
where it says about obeying your husbands, hummmm joor, they are not
slaves, understanding works better. Do they need husbands to have babies
these days? Please don’t get this twisted, marriage is divine and sweet
when you can not only find a soul mate, but someone who can inspire
you, respect you, love you, adore your feminity and independence. They
are hard to find oooooo. My daughter knows that finding a good man is
like finding a needle in a haystack. None the less, should women feel
psychologically defeated? Hell No! Most men who don’t know what time it
is are still locked down with that old macho bullshit, that it is a
Man’s world. Hummmmm for where, my people, women run things now, let’s
get used to it, abegi, so our days on earth will be longer joor.
My
princess, my baby, my joy, my little big girl knows that her character,
her pedigree, her background, her ambition, her zeal and courage will
most likely intimidate a lot of men out there, she realizes that this
will further narrow her pool of prospects, just like she is also aware
that with each passing year she is getting older and never younger but
the options stay very limited. All I’m trying to say is this, I tip my
hat for all the “good” single ladies out there, keep the fate, I admire
your courage in not wanting to settle for any trash out there. If it
doesn’t fit, trash it, finding a life time partner is not ‘moimoi’. The
world is already too troubled for you to be in a relationship that you
know will not make you happy. Women can see these things ahead you know,
that’s why they are a special breed of God’s creation. I have
discovered lately that men need women in their lives to keep them
stable, but if push comes to a shove, women don’t really need men, a
case in point, ‘The great Oprah’. Yes, good men are hard to find, ask
Lady D. Ha!!
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